Two very close friends

This is the story of two very close friends. so
close that they share everything , they are still together in
life . They even mutual promise : the first one
dies reserve a place to another in the afterlife .
And what had happened: one of the two partners dies
prematurely. The second does not have the strength to wait for
die also to find his friend . He decides to
take part in a seance to enter
communication with him :
- So how 's it going?
- I'm fine thank you , life is fantastic here ...
- Well said ! How are your days ?
- I get up in the morning and WooHoo , you know what I mean , a
little exercise at sunrise , then I take my breakfast and
WooHoo . Lunch and thereupon WooHoo until dinner.
Finally some WooHoo before sleep and now ...
- The dream ... then you my reservations this place in paradise eh ...
- But I 'm not in heaven , I'm in a breeding
rabbits in the Gers!

Buy a ticket

David is in a bad money level ... it
sees no other solution than to win the lottery to
out of there. He went to the synagogue and began to pray for
win. The day of the draw, but he expects it will not win. it
back to the synagogue and pray again insisting
all his life, he respected the religious principles, rituals,
food and even donations to Jewish organizations.
Again he expects the lottery draw, but again, nothing
happens. Near despair he would get back to pray
arises when a voice from up there in the sky said:
"Okay David, you want to win the lottery, but perhaps
you could help me a little. Go and buy a ticket. "

Bear and rabbit

A bear poops in the woods when a small
White Rabbit is also next to him. The bear asks the rabbit: 

It does not bother you, who is so small and all white, the
splash when you do your needs.
The rabbit replied simply:

No, I'm used to. So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes with.

Always attached

A judge inspects execution of sentences
district hotheads. He sees a
prisoner in chains and asks: So, my boy, you're enjoying
here? Another sneers: Yeah, it's a place where I am
always attached!

One-way road

A policeman calls a blonde after have surprise to roll in reverse
on a one-way road and it request: Do you know where you were going?
The blonde replied:  No, but wherever it is,

 it should not be good because all the people were going away.

Convicted

You did not feel anything when you
have your wife cut into pieces
before turning to cook? asks judge convicted.
Yes, yes! At one point I started to cry.
Ah, anyway! And when? When I cut onions ...

Two fools want to escape

Two fools want to escape from the asylum Then one of them said.:
Look, I'll turn on the flashlight, you'll get
on the beam, and you jump over the wall!
And the other replies:
You take me for a fool? When I'm in the middle, you're off!

I can walk there!

An old man dies in bed.
Her children around
and start talking about the funeral.
They vacillate between
a funeral first, second or third class.
At the beginning, as they like their father, they are unanimous
for a first-class funeral, but as and when the discussion, wallet speak and we arrive at a third-class burial in the pit common. The old man stands up and starts yelling: If you want, I can walk there!

Like a pig!

The family is at the table, and Toto, the son eats badly.
Father:
-Do you really eat like a pig!
The son:
-Huh?
Father:
You know at least what is a pig?
The son:
Yes, he is the son of a pig ...

Infusion!

This is the story of three vampires who are in a bar.
The first vampire orders a glass of warm blood.
The second order a glass of blood cold.
The third order a glass of water hot!
The other two look and ask him the question:
Why a glass of hot water?
The third answer:
-I found a buffer, I'm going to infusion!