Two very close friends

This is the story of two very close friends. so
close that they share everything , they are still together in
life . They even mutual promise : the first one
dies reserve a place to another in the afterlife .
And what had happened: one of the two partners dies
prematurely. The second does not have the strength to wait for
die also to find his friend . He decides to
take part in a seance to enter
communication with him :
- So how 's it going?
- I'm fine thank you , life is fantastic here ...
- Well said ! How are your days ?
- I get up in the morning and WooHoo , you know what I mean , a
little exercise at sunrise , then I take my breakfast and
WooHoo . Lunch and thereupon WooHoo until dinner.
Finally some WooHoo before sleep and now ...
- The dream ... then you my reservations this place in paradise eh ...
- But I 'm not in heaven , I'm in a breeding
rabbits in the Gers!

Buy a ticket

David is in a bad money level ... it
sees no other solution than to win the lottery to
out of there. He went to the synagogue and began to pray for
win. The day of the draw, but he expects it will not win. it
back to the synagogue and pray again insisting
all his life, he respected the religious principles, rituals,
food and even donations to Jewish organizations.
Again he expects the lottery draw, but again, nothing
happens. Near despair he would get back to pray
arises when a voice from up there in the sky said:
"Okay David, you want to win the lottery, but perhaps
you could help me a little. Go and buy a ticket. "

Bear and rabbit

A bear poops in the woods when a small
White Rabbit is also next to him. The bear asks the rabbit: 

It does not bother you, who is so small and all white, the
splash when you do your needs.
The rabbit replied simply:

No, I'm used to. So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes with.

Always attached

A judge inspects execution of sentences
district hotheads. He sees a
prisoner in chains and asks: So, my boy, you're enjoying
here? Another sneers: Yeah, it's a place where I am
always attached!

One-way road

A policeman calls a blonde after have surprise to roll in reverse
on a one-way road and it request: Do you know where you were going?
The blonde replied:  No, but wherever it is,

 it should not be good because all the people were going away.

Convicted

You did not feel anything when you
have your wife cut into pieces
before turning to cook? asks judge convicted.
Yes, yes! At one point I started to cry.
Ah, anyway! And when? When I cut onions ...

Two fools want to escape

Two fools want to escape from the asylum Then one of them said.:
Look, I'll turn on the flashlight, you'll get
on the beam, and you jump over the wall!
And the other replies:
You take me for a fool? When I'm in the middle, you're off!

I can walk there!

An old man dies in bed.
Her children around
and start talking about the funeral.
They vacillate between
a funeral first, second or third class.
At the beginning, as they like their father, they are unanimous
for a first-class funeral, but as and when the discussion, wallet speak and we arrive at a third-class burial in the pit common. The old man stands up and starts yelling: If you want, I can walk there!

Like a pig!

The family is at the table, and Toto, the son eats badly.
Father:
-Do you really eat like a pig!
The son:
-Huh?
Father:
You know at least what is a pig?
The son:
Yes, he is the son of a pig ...

Infusion!

This is the story of three vampires who are in a bar.
The first vampire orders a glass of warm blood.
The second order a glass of blood cold.
The third order a glass of water hot!
The other two look and ask him the question:
Why a glass of hot water?
The third answer:
-I found a buffer, I'm going to infusion!

What is the policy?

A boy asks his father :
Papa , I have to make a presentation at school
is that I can ask you a few Questions?
Yes of course , go on what you want know?
- What is the policy?
The father thought for a bit and then starts:
- Well, here , take as an example our home.
I am an employee , so I win
money, so call me " Capitalism" .
Your mother is the administrator of the estate , call it "government" .
We need to take care of you and meet your needs ,
therefore thou art " the people."
Good call " the working class " and your little sister
which has only one year , " the future."
Is it clearer now ? Little thought and said:
- I am not very sure, but I 'll think.
That night, awakened by the cries of his sister , the boy
will see what is wrong.
Discovering that her younger sister seriously filled his bed
little goes to his parents' bedroom ,
and seeing that his mother is asleep , he will see
in the maid's room , where througha keyhole ,
he sees his father jumping the good .
The little one is so disgusted by what he saw it returns
in his room and went back to bed .
The next morning breakfast will see its father :
- That's it Dad, now I think I
understand what it is that policy.
- Very good son ! Tell me
Now with your own words .
- Well, while Capitalism
fuck the Working Class ,
The Government is deeply
asleep, the People are completely
ignored and the Future is in deep shit ...

Big teeth

Papa, Papa! At school, they all say
I have big teeth! This is not
true, huh?
-No, no, do not cry! and
raises its head, you strikeouts the floor!

The church is on fire

The church is on fire. 47 fire brigade
Sprinkle fire.
The priest sits slumped on a prie-
God who escaped the disaster
and he looks at the horizon of a desperate air.
So, a good sister pushes him
its choirboys
to scowl and she blows him
-Go and tell Monsieur le Cure you
sorry ...

Lost at poker

A guy comes home one night and told her woman

Honey, you'll be required to prepare
your suitcase and go to another, I've lost at poker!
Collapsed, she asks: But how did this happen?
The guy tells him:
- I cheated!

A village cannibals

A scientist studying a village
cannibals. Wanting to engage
conversation with a little girl holding
a child in his arms, he asks:
- He's cute, he's your little brother?
- No, it's my lunch!

Two friends

Two friends meet after several years.
 And your children, they must be great? Yes, they are both married. my
son is fine, he brings his coffee
bed my daughter did everything she wants and it
even bought a beautiful coat fur!
- And your son? Oh, he has no luck. his wife
is a lazy and a spendthrift. it
needs to bring her coffee in bed, he
do everything she wants. He even had his
buy a fur coat!

All the same

A young girl announces her engagement to
his father, who said with a sigh:
- Paul?have he the money, Paul? 

And the girl replied:
- But you're all the same! it is
exactly the question he asked me
 on you!

It's easy for you

A man is in hospital visit.

The doctor tells him that he has more than

noon to live. The man returns

home and announced the news to his

woman. Then he adds:

- Here's what I'd do for these

noon: First, a good dinner,

then go drink and dance the rest

of the night ...

His wife then replied to him:

- "Oh dear, it's easy for you ... We see

although you do not have to get up tomorrow

morning!

Cannibal into a restaurant

A cannibal into a restaurant and

ask: - A boy, please!

Three friends

Three friends walking around. There was one who
is called No-Man, the other
and the last one called Sick.
Suddenly the first entering and
pique the shop contained the cash and
then save the second said to the
Third:-Go to the police.
So it comes to a phone and said
the police:
-That is to say that no man
fly shop and nobody saw it.
-Are you sick? asked the
policeman.
Yes it's me.