the old and the billlionaire

An old phone to a billionaire
Heart counselor:
I am 62 years old and I am madly in love
a beautiful girl of 19 years.
Do you think I have a better chance of
get him to marry me if I tell him that I
just 50 years?
The counselor replied: In my opinion,
you'd better tell him you
approaching 80

psychiatrist

During the course of French, the teacher asks a

student:

  Real, can you, please, give me the definition of a

psychiatrist?

  Oh! A psychiatrist, professor, this guy is a very

smart that helps people become crazy!

a guy who gets stabbed

This is the story of a guy who gets stabbed

in the street. It begins to lose its blood abundantly, it

falls to the ground, like the edge of the coma, begins to crawl

in the street, moaning and trying to find help.

Suddenly he sees an open pharmacy. He says:

That's it I'm saved! He draws in his last strength to

drag himself somehow to the counter. Always on the edge

of fainting, it caters to the pharmacist:

  Please help me, I'm dying, I took me a

knife, it really will not, etc..

The pharmacist, placid:

  No, I'm sorry, there is 19 hours, and I farm. The other, which

by not back off again to the charge:

  Pity, pity, he said, I will die! I'm dying, do something

for me! Then the pharmacist:

  Okay, okay, okay. He went around the counter, out the knife

belly man, plant him savagely in the eye, and he

said: Go to the optician in the face, it is open until 19:30!

blackout

A seller has to ring the
door. A lady brought.
Before she had time to open the
mouth, he grabbed the trash
and he pours the contents on the carpet: the
rabbit bone, old cotton,
the broken crockery, skins
banana peels,
Wilted flowers, cans
used ...
-Madame, he said, so I poured in
your lovely apartment this
mountain of garbage, this is for you
prove the virtues of my new
vacuum. He will swallow everything in two
minutes.
And it will not be swallowed, well, it is
I who swallow ...
Then the lady goes into her kitchen and
returns with salt and pepper,
oil and vinegar and starts
season the pile of trash.
-But what do you do? said the
Guys, flabbergasted.
-Nothing. Just trying to help you
things
because since this morning, there is a
blackout ...

an iron hook

Thomas returns to the small class with
his notebook and it shows
his father:
History 20, Geography 20,
Mathematics: 20 Reading: 18.
How? Braille father. Read 18
? Dirty little lazy!
And the kid gets a pair of sacred
slapping.
The following month, the small back Thomas
his notebook.
It 20 everywhere except in reading. Then his
father fucks his ass
loud and he said:
-If the next week, you're not 20
reading, I whip you up
blood.
And after a month, the boy
go home, piteously.
He made terrible efforts in reading
but he was only 19.
This time, the father will seek a
huge whip and he is about
bright-skinned. And Thomas said the small
a plaintive voice:
'But Dad, trying to understand ...
It is very difficult to read Braille with
an iron hook ...

beggar

A beggar fell into such a
misery is obliged to cook
her dog and eat. He is currently
sucking the last bone and sighs:
-Poor Fido! Had he been there, he
be entertained!

stifle all the time

A guy goes to the doctor and said:-At night, it's okay, but when I arrived atoffice, I rednessfull figure and I begin tochoking me ...The doctor said:-Take off your clothes!It sounds out of the bottom and he said:-This is the liver. Necessary to remove the liver.The guy between the clinic and fifteen dayslater he emerges with the liverless.He returned to his office, he looksice in the toilet,he sees that he has a rash on the face andhe feels that he begins tochoke.So this time, he will see a largespecialist which makes it a lotanalysisand sampling and ended by saying:-It comes from the stomach ... It will make youablation of the stomach.And presto! One month clinic, itremoves the stomach, and during hisconvalescence,more redness or choking. Theguy is happy, it payscliniche returned home and went to bed.The next morning, he goes to the office andIt is hardly in the street it startsto choke and become red. Oneambulance picked up, the trimballein the hospital, all doctorsbegin to wonder about his case, andUltimately, they decided itremoving the intestine.After three months, he is recoveringpainfully up and tells him:-That's it! You'll never have toredness or choking, onlyyou no more than five or sixmonths to live ...-Well, the guy said, if it's like that, thatleast I finished in style!It performs all his savings, he boughta nice car, it paysgirlsextraordinary and he decided to becomevery elegant. He enters a largestore, he ordered five suitsmeasurement, twelve ties,twenty pairs of shoes and he said:-I want a shirt dayfor five months.It's 150 shirts!-Well, says the seller. Wait until Iyou take steps ...57 sleeve length 75 towersize, total length 63and 40 ... necklineNo, says the guy. The neck is not40 is 37 ...Sir, you have 40 neck, Ijust measure!No, 37, I tell you!-Well, listen, it's as you like.But if you wear shirtswith 37 neckline, you will havefull redness Figureand stifle all the time ...

Gulf

A player from Gulf launched a ball too
strong. He can not find her.
After half an hour, a gardechampêtre
shows up and says:
-It is you who have lost a ball
golf?
Yes, says the guy.
-Well, she arrived in the eye of a
truck driver
who missed a crossing.
It derailed a train and five cars
went to crush
the campground. In short,
Your ball is 97 dead.
And now, how you will
learn?
-Uh, the guy said, I think I'll hold
my club in another way,
thumb and index tighter ...

In nine months

A guy arrives late at his desk
is stuck
in the hallway by his boss:
-You have two hours late! you
have an excuse?
-Yes. My wife is having a baby!
Ah! Congratulations ... She began to
birth?
-Uh, no! In nine months ...

the hostess

The good news is this. the
hostess said:
-You have good certificates?
-Yes, ma'am.
You know how to cook?
-Yes, ma'am.
-And you love children?
-Uh ... Yes, but this time, I would
do better than Mr.
careful ...