A guy who has a serious problem of breath

A guy who has a serious problem of breath (in
Basically, it gives those around him seem to have swallowed
a dead rat) goes to a pharmacy to try to fix it.
The pharmacist then sold him a syrup with pine, which he
must swallow 3 drops daily. It turns out that two days
after he a tryst in a park. On that day, in order
to put the odds on his side, he decided to swallow any
bottle instead of a few drops prescribed. But then
it tries to approach his wife to surreptitiously
of "reality" they met it is written: "This is it infects
Looks like somebody shit behind the trees! "....

a very sick man

This is a very sick man who is led by his son
hospital. There, after the many and varied tests, the specialist
bad news tells him that he is dying of
cancer, and at the stage where things are, so to
saving treatment! On leaving, the father said to his
son:
- Listen, I enjoyed the life. It's not that bad,
huh? Come on, take me for a drink at the café. and
're off the usual boozer. The on-site meeting paternal
several of his friends, and he took the opportunity to tell them that it is
dying of AIDS ...
When the friends leave the son asks his father:
- But why did you tell them that you had AIDS? it is
you have cancer!
- I know, I just did not want them to make me
cuckold after my death.

a guy who gets stabbed

This is the story of a guy who gets stabbed
in the street. It begins to lose its blood abundantly, it
falls to the ground, like at the edge of the coma, begins to crawl
in the street, moaning and trying to find help.
Suddenly he sees an open pharmacy. He says:
- That's it I'm saved! He draws in his last strength to
drag himself somehow to the counter. Always on the edge
of fainting, it caters to the pharmacist:
- Please help me, I'm dying, I took me a
knife, it really will not, etc..
The pharmacist, placid:
- No, I'm sorry, there is 19 hours, and I farm. The other, which
by not back off again to the charge:
- Pity, pity, he said, I will die! I'm dying, do something
for me! Then the pharmacist:
- Okay, okay, okay. He went around the counter, out the knife
Belly rights, plant him savagely in the eye, and he
said: Go across the optician is open until 19:30!

nerve

What is the longest nerve in the human body?
The optic nerve, because when you pull a bit of ass, it has the
tears in my eyes!

At the hospital

At the hospital, in the ICU. a patient
gradually regaining his senses:
- Where am I?
- You're in the hospital, in the ICU.
- What happened to me?
- There was a scramble in the subway and you spent under
a train.
- So what? ? !
- And then I have good news and bad news. which
hear first you want?
- The bad.
- The bad news is that your legs were
so filthy that you had to amputate both.
- Oh no! This is not true! Shit! My legs ... And what is
the good news?
- There's a guy in a room next door which was a very good
offer for your shoes.

Doctor

The doctor says to his patient:
- I have bad and very bad news for you
announce.
- Start with the bad.
- I received the results of your tests. The analysis clearly indicates
you are left with only 2 days to live.
- 2 DAYS!! OH MY GOD THIS IS HORRIBLE, it is
incredible! And you say you have a new
at worst tell me?
- Yes, it's yesterday I'm trying to reach you for you
announce ...

dentist

This is a guy going to the dentist, and it said:
- Look, I have good news and bad news for you.
Then the guy replied:
- Start with the bad please.
- I need to remove four teeth!
- Shit, what is good and new then?
- All the remaining teeth are so bad that they will
down all alone, and it will not cost you a sub!

difference

What is the difference between a man
and the birth of a child?
- One can be terribly painful and
sometimes unbearable, while
the other is just a baby.

the beast

A woman argues with her ​​husband:
- You walk like a beast, you
work like a beast, you drive
like an animal, you eat like a
beast, you sleep like a beast. If we
was the competition of the beast, you'd
the second! Astonished, the husband asks:
- And why not the first?
- Because you're too stupid!

husband

At home, the husband says, it's me
that order. So yesterday I told my
woman
- Honey, give me hot water!
- And she gave you in right now?
- Yes, right now, for me, for nothing
world, I would do the dishes with water
Cold!

A guy on a journey into Spain

A guy on a journey into Spain
a restaurant.
He consulted the menu and control
"roupettas"
while not knowing what it is.
The waiter brings him two big balls
black topped with a delicious sauce.
After enjoying his meal, he
asks the server what it is.
-You see, there is a fair bullfighting
side.
When the bull is killed, it retrieves
pieces that can cook.
The testicles are roupettas
bull.
-But it is absolutely delicious, answers
type.
A year later, during another
trip, he decided to return

Abracadabra

Doctor, it's weird, whenever
I say "Abracadabra", people
disappear ...
Hey, Doctor! Doctor! Where are you
Doctor?

Three young secretaries

Three young secretaries discuss tricks they
already played their boss.
- I said first, I cut out all the pictures in his
Playboy, he never found out who had done it ...
- Ha! Ha! Ha! I said the second, I found condoms in
his drawer, and I drilled all with a pin ...
The third, she fainted!

The astronauts

We are in 2015. The astronauts are finally
arrived on Mars. During their exploration, one of the astronauts
meeting a fabulously beautiful Martian. as our
astronaut finds that the Martian speaks very good earthling,
they come to talk about sex. It does not take them long
to compare the two modes of reproduction. the Martian
tells him that on Mars, to procreate, they crammed a good
dose of chemicals in a container, they spit
in, mix a good shot and HOP, a new small
Mars appears.

rich man

A rich and very shy young man marries for
the needs of the case, a girl of good family. the
day goes well and the blowout (heu. .. the buffet) is
success.
Finally comes the wedding night, terrible moment of truth for
leading man who has never seen, if only the tip of a
and even less in the rest ...
The next day, the bride goes to see his mother, crying.
- Mom, this is horrible. It sucks. He knows nothing, and I was fine
help him, show him, he did nothing to me.

two office colleagues

These are two office colleagues. One of the two is
really sad for several days. His colleague cares
and it recommends:
- You know, me in these cases, I do not really look for the why
of how and when I get home I rush to my
wife and I love him to death. You should try it,
I assure you, with this method you will see life in pink again.
After several days during which the mine colleague
sad improved visibly, the colleague to the right
advice comes to news:
- You I'm sure you've applied my advice to see your mine
all blossomed ...
- Oh yes, you were right! But then said, you had hidden me
how beautiful it was home!

guy who loves his girlfriend

This is a guy who loves his girlfriend so much that Sophie
his name is tattooed on his zigounette. When she is
erection, his zigounette there writing Sophie, if you see just the
first and last letter S and E. One day he will urinate
in a urinal, he finds himself next to a man and
Note that it also has something tattooed on sex. it
looks and reads "Se". He then asks:
- You also is Sophie?
- No, it's me "Remembrance of my expeditions in Africa
French Equatorial. "

abdomen

A second class complains:
- I have terrible pain in the abdomen.
- You probably want to say that you
have a stomach ache, the resume
severely the military doctor.
Learn that one begins to
suffer from the abdomen to the rank
sub-lieutenant.

military service

This is the story of a guy who wants
at all costs to avoid military service. There are
wants it, but not at all, wear
uniform, and it is ready to do anything for it! it
go and see a friend of his who is a doctor
- Well, is that this time, they take
everyone! I see only one
thing ... This is spayed you become
What eunuch! While there, you will not
believe it, but the guy does not hesitate
and single second ... Hop! He is castrated
quickly done well and come around to the
Review Board. The military doctor the
look quickly, and is:
- Refurbished ...! You have flat feet!

defeated man

A guy goes to a casino. It was a defeat mine: it has everything
lost, it is ruined. It goes to the parking lot and into his car: a
superb VW Corrado. He caresses the steering wheel and leather seats,
this is all that remains. The best cut mode. everything
Suddenly, a heavenly light around the car, and a voice is
hear from the grave "Returns to Casino". The type seeks
all of which may well come that voice, and he heard again
"Return to play Casino". He understands that it is God
person talking to him!
"But my God, I've lost everything! With what shall I play?"
"Sell your car!" said the voice of God.
The guy says it's the opportunity of a lifetime, it will be able to
again. He drove the first garage and sells Corrado price
that he gives up 30%. He rushes to the casino and feet
approaches the roulette table. Voice is heard
new "Put everything on the 12".
The guy puts his bundle of notes on the number 12. the dealer
spins the wheel "Rien ne va plus". The wheel turns, turn, turn
and finally

a man

This is a man who leaves a supermarket and sees
a bum grazing the grass. So this gentleman,
wanting to do a good deed he has to come and eat
home. Happy, vagabond asks if he can come up with
his wife and five children. That's when the man himself
says: "But there is no problem, I have at least 25 acres
tall grass in my garden ... "

a cannibal tribe in Africa

In a cannibal tribe in Africa, it was the lack of
victims. Then the chief sent his best hunting
hunters. But they did not come with a little while
Ethiopian skinny. The Cuistot then told his aides:
- Stir it slowly to avoid meat is all
dissolved in water. And then add lots of potatoes.
Like that, it will make it a little more.
After half an hour, the chef comes and sees his two
aid brew water as raging ...
- But what do you do, fuckers!
- But chief, if brews more slowly, it begins to eat
all potatoes!

the marine

This is a marine who returns home after months
spent at sea and he found Germaine ... of course, he did
a lack of desire and bowl for him, Germaine's
ragnagnas ...
Too bad there is not one, not two, after months at sea,
never mind the ragnagnas .. He then went to the bar port.
One of his friends told him, "you have seen, you have blood on your face."
Him: "I know, I just take me a door in the head"
The other: "It must be the toilet door because in addition, you have a
little shit on the corner of the nose ... "

woman and her husband

A woman asks her husband:

Who would you rather have as the type of woman? a woman

very intelligent and a beautiful woman?

But neither, honey. You know it's you

I love.